Monday, September 14, 2009

Leaving on a Jet Plane . . . la, la, la, etc.

It's been a busy couple of weeks and I feel as if I could board this little toy plane, never mind that it looks as if its seen better days, and fly far, far away. Nothing outstanding on my mind. Just life and its messiness. Kids feeling their oats, relationships in flux, a house that refuses to stay picked up, tug-of-war between summer and fall and a general exhaustion that can't be fixed by a solid night's sleep 'cause my brain won't shush up! You've been there, right? 

In the slightly humorous column of this week's ledger of "stuff" -- I went to see the allergist to rule out food allergies in relation to IBS symptoms. I was advised to go off Zyrtec for 5 days in prep for testing. No one told me that cold turkey off an antihistamine will cause INTENSE itching. Everywhere. I'm lucky I'm not bald after the scratching and rubbing my scalp has received in the last three days. And the kicker, it'll likely be all for naught and the test will be negative and I'll be back to apparently senseless stomach "issues." UGH. For those of you more astute observers, you're probably scratching your head, thinking that surely I could have put 2 and 2 together a few weeks back when ONE day off Zyrtec resulted in an embarrassing itching problem while running.  Yes. Well. Moving on.

When I was a kid, my sister and I fought like most siblings do. That is to say savagely and without mercy. And I remember this particular incident when I wanted to convey as clearly as possible my desire to leave her behind and launched into what I knew of the song at the time . . . which was just the leaving part! Of course, she didn't get it. She was like 6. Neither one of us would have understood the irony at the time.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

My two can't seem to decide if they're going to be inseparable or destroy each other. I remember those days with my sister well and now, my sister and I are closer. Brought on by motherhood and a grown up understanding of how all family's have some dysfunction. All siblings want to jump a plane and not look back at one time or another. Perhaps it would be fair to say that we all have the desire at times to sever ties -- with family, friends, society, employers -- but the really meaningful relationships, we pine and stew over. Come back to. Invest in. Relish. And when we finally have to say goodbye, mourn. 

My grandmother is ill and I've been thinking about when I should make the trip north to see her. Say goodbye. When my grandfather passed a year and a half ago, I didn't have the chance. I tried to speak with him by phone but he became agitated and my mother, who was with him in the hospital, thought it was best to try again later. Later didn't happen. Ah, this is harder than I thought. So many conflicted and sad feelings. 

And I thought I had nothing to say! I'll return on a lighter note. Off to pick up the Big Boy and then to the park. 

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