Birds of Prey

The kids love the bird show. My sister would be so proud. She's a bird of prey gal -- having done some pretty note worthy research on the California Condor with the San Diego Zoo and such. In fact, she may know these two birds personally. While living with us between undergrad and graduate school, she volunteered with the Oregon Zoo's bird of prey program. 
We unintentionally sat directly in line with the birds' flight path so there were many times when the huge, majestic (a little scary) birds flew within inches of our heads. Hubby says that the turkey vulture clipped him . . . I was attempting to focus on the birds through my view finder as they swooped in. It can be a startling perspective! None of those close up shots really came out. I'd love to figure out how to do that better. UGH. Running into that photography skill barrier . . . but moving along. The bald eagle is my favorite. I swell with pride and choke up a bit. I suppose the bird has truly become, for me, a symbol of what I want to believe is good and true about my country. 

Speaking of symbols, just finished Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. Very interesting. Anyone else reading or read it? I'd love to discuss with others . . . I'm especially interested in Noetic Science and the implications for faith and religion. I'm going to need to gather my thoughts a bit before going down that rabbit hole here. Last evening I began a little "research" online, and found a couple of websites that may be a good starting place. I was also pleased to discover that one of the many unfinished books by my bedside may be a good introduction: The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself. 

Resolutions

Finally, my first "scrapbook" page using Elements. I know you can't actually read it . . . that'll be the next step. Making it bigger without it being "too" big to load. 

I know making resolutions is supposed to be taboo and really, it is. What's the point of resolving to do all these wonderful things for ourselves and others only to fail? Except we never plan on failing! We expect that we will accomplish at least some of the things on our list and if the gods are kind, we'll forget about the others. Fortunate for me, I can already check of #1 and the list itself is proof that I'm working on another. 

Which will be the most difficult for me? The last. I think that feeling rotten about the aesthetics of my body (vs. its relative health) is my "burden to bear." Some sort of self-righteous flagellation. I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy . . . turn away from my horridness. What would happen if I chose to give up this idea of my body as flabby and unattractive and embraced it? God, the earth would quit spinning on its axis! Maybe this is the year the earth will stand still:) 

Here I sit in blessed silence

Today is the big garage sale where we hope and pray to unload all our baby stuff. I've been sitting out in the front lawn now for about 2 hours and so far have made a whopping $7.00. We're not hoping for much - just for it all to be GONE. Once we made the decision to stop our procreating at two children, ridding ourselves of the crib and highchair and pack n play was the next logical and surprisingly painful step. But now we're doing it. Come on, people! Come and buy my stuff . . . 

In the meantime, I have this rare opportunity to sit in relative quiet with my computer and some books and the sun. Truly a divine experience. Hubby and I had one of those chats Friday night. He's been working late every night for the last week or so and comes to bed after I've gone to sleep. So this particular chat was about prioritizing our relationship, talking about things other than household and child management. You hear of otherwise "happy" couples that split when their children grow up and leave the home  . . . and I can see how that happens. You are kept so busy and there is so little silence that you just don't talk anymore. And this little chat wasn't only because he has been working -- it's also because between the work I do and the incessant need for attention from the kids, I often feel as if I don't have a lot of energy left to listen to another person, my poor neglected husband, say another word! Kinda like the phenomenon of being "touched out" as a mother of infants and toddlers. I get "talked out" -- my ability to remain quietly focused, empathic, other-orientated wears a little thin by the time I'm alone with the hubby. 

Now here is this glorious 8 hours of quiet with minimal attention payed to potential garage sale customers. It's a shame hubby can't join me but perhaps it's just as well. I can soak the quiet and try to recharge my waning resources. 

On other fronts, the book club I'm in has been working on two books. Both interesting and diverse takes on spirituality. The first is by Maslow, the famed psychologist, and is entitled Religion, Values and Peak Experiences. I had no idea that he dabbled in religious and spiritual experiences and though his writing in this particular essay is a bit sexist, the premise is very interesting. He postulates that when religion is separated from science both suffer and become incomplete. Spiritual experiences are valid objects of scientific research and science needs the morality of the spiritual. I haven't quite completed the book and am still getting my head around the role of "peak experiences" -- existential, other worldy experiences. The second book is a collection of American spiritual writings in 2007. A VERY diverse collection. I tend to look at it as a puzzle -- "What does this say about spirituality?" 

As rambling as this entry appears to be, the common thread seems to be my reawakening need to feel connected, to my husband and to something larger than myself. The reading, the quiet and the talk are vehicles for self-discovery and meaning-making. 

It's in the Details

I began my first blog (and this only makes my 2nd -- I'm a blogging baby) in order to document my growing family's life. It's full of pictures and is shared only with friends and family. It's really a family album with narrative. When I began this little venture, I was clear that I wanted to expand my audience and that would mean figuring out what degree of privacy I would provide my kid-lets. Do I post pics of their sweet faces? Just pics that are more anonymous? No personal pics at all? I've even debated whether to use their real names or rely on nicknames as I see many other mama bloggers doing . . . It's surprising what a dilemma this poses. 

My other blogging dilemma is my desire to share it with friends but knowing if I do so, I open the door of this blog to all friends and family. Why, you ask, would I keep it a big bad secret? It's not like I'm writing shocking revelations (not yet, at least:). Allow me to digress a bit -- when working with teens, they often rail against their family because they have a particular conception about who they are and are reluctant to give it up. Their kids change, grow up, take up new interests and friendships and their family is simply slow to catch on. In the last several years, I've certainly "grown up" and my ideas and thoughts on things would be unrecognizable to some (though perhaps not as many as I imagine). I would like this blog to be safe, somewhat anonymous place to talk about whatever the heck comes to mind without the automatic censure that comes when I know my audience is my family, meaning extended family, religious community, etc. Some day, I hope to bravely present all the different and changing parts of myself and my life to my family but I need some practice first . . . 

A part of me has to giggle at the probable conclusions some of you may be coming to -- oh, she's going to confess to some sort of alternative lifestyle, strange practices or the like. I don't mean to sound so dramatic and interesting! I guess this is as good a time as any to give a little historical data by way of explanation. My family, for several generations, has belonged to a fairly traditional Christian denomination with various behavioral codes and expectations. Not only that, but when I began my first career as a high school teacher, I was the 4th generation to teach in our denominational schools . . . with all that entails. Then I up and pursued a dream of mine since childhood and attended a public educational institution for the first time and pursued a MA in Counseling Psychology, quit teaching in the church school and explored new ways of thinking and doing things. It's been a 6 year journey, some of which my family is aware of and some of which even I am still exploring. 

Tell you what, finding just the right way to end a blog entry is challenging! I feel compelled to pose a question or tie things up neatly. I'm going to fight that urge and say, more to come.