Sunday, September 28, 2008

Here I sit in blessed silence

Today is the big garage sale where we hope and pray to unload all our baby stuff. I've been sitting out in the front lawn now for about 2 hours and so far have made a whopping $7.00. We're not hoping for much - just for it all to be GONE. Once we made the decision to stop our procreating at two children, ridding ourselves of the crib and highchair and pack n play was the next logical and surprisingly painful step. But now we're doing it. Come on, people! Come and buy my stuff . . . 

In the meantime, I have this rare opportunity to sit in relative quiet with my computer and some books and the sun. Truly a divine experience. Hubby and I had one of those chats Friday night. He's been working late every night for the last week or so and comes to bed after I've gone to sleep. So this particular chat was about prioritizing our relationship, talking about things other than household and child management. You hear of otherwise "happy" couples that split when their children grow up and leave the home  . . . and I can see how that happens. You are kept so busy and there is so little silence that you just don't talk anymore. And this little chat wasn't only because he has been working -- it's also because between the work I do and the incessant need for attention from the kids, I often feel as if I don't have a lot of energy left to listen to another person, my poor neglected husband, say another word! Kinda like the phenomenon of being "touched out" as a mother of infants and toddlers. I get "talked out" -- my ability to remain quietly focused, empathic, other-orientated wears a little thin by the time I'm alone with the hubby. 

Now here is this glorious 8 hours of quiet with minimal attention payed to potential garage sale customers. It's a shame hubby can't join me but perhaps it's just as well. I can soak the quiet and try to recharge my waning resources. 

On other fronts, the book club I'm in has been working on two books. Both interesting and diverse takes on spirituality. The first is by Maslow, the famed psychologist, and is entitled Religion, Values and Peak Experiences. I had no idea that he dabbled in religious and spiritual experiences and though his writing in this particular essay is a bit sexist, the premise is very interesting. He postulates that when religion is separated from science both suffer and become incomplete. Spiritual experiences are valid objects of scientific research and science needs the morality of the spiritual. I haven't quite completed the book and am still getting my head around the role of "peak experiences" -- existential, other worldy experiences. The second book is a collection of American spiritual writings in 2007. A VERY diverse collection. I tend to look at it as a puzzle -- "What does this say about spirituality?" 

As rambling as this entry appears to be, the common thread seems to be my reawakening need to feel connected, to my husband and to something larger than myself. The reading, the quiet and the talk are vehicles for self-discovery and meaning-making. 


1 comment:

robinbird said...

dearest Heather. i know how much you need (and crave) this quiet, this connection to yourself, to john and to your sometimes misplaced spiritual center. if it takes a badly attended garage sale for you to be able to ponder and be still then so be it. i hope no one came. i wouldn't want anything to disturb the wanderings of your mind and heart.
xo